This note is in English, because I am bored out of mind. My sub-conscious refuses to let me study until I have seen Avatar tomorrow, Godwilling. And I will not be bothered to think in Arabic at 2AM.
Allow me to rant about relpases. Those episodes that hit you when you just started or stopped doing something. Someone or something hits the rewind button and it's as if you haven't reached a fork in the friggin' road, sat down with yourself and decided that a certain lifestyle/habit/paradigm was not optimum for your desired quality of life. Certain measures needed to be taken.
And depending on your way of thinking and upbringing, you either went cold turkey/pull a 180 in the middle of the road style, or the gentle gradient/slope/curve that won't get on your nerves but will go on slowly and surely.
Things in your life start to adapt to your new lifestyle. You feel good, you feel you can do anything. If you kiss a girl you meet on the street she will fall in love with you and not batter you with nearest iron bar. You are in friggin' control. You da man.
And then one day, you snap. And not Hollywood-action-style snapping. There are no machine guns and helicopters. No huge explosions, no people dying. You just cease. Either some new stimulus is in your life or some certain stimulus isn't! Whatever it was that drove you to get serious with yourself and stop screwing around is not there to drive you anymore.
And before you know it. Back to friggin' square one. And you have to build again the momentum to re-live your steps before you took that life-changing decision.
Now, after that lengthy intro, what do I want to say? I don't know. I feel angry that I can not maintain a certain standard. It's like I am digging a hole and there is no end in sight. How am I supposed to go vertical? Build? If I even can not maintain a base line, am I expected to achieve any peaks in life? Because I know there will always be valleys.
I see myself as that guy in the movies that screams "Hold the line" to his fellows. I admire he who said "They're surrounding us from the north, south, west, and east. They can not escape this time". I know I am cocky, but I know my limits and pray to God to help me overcome my obstacles.
Is this it? Is this is what to be expected? A constant fight raging inside me? If I can not develop a simple habit of reading everything I hear in a lesson once I get back home, how the frack am I supposed to know complex surgical procedures that can save people's lifes?
What is the treatment? The ideal response would be "Get a grip and be strict with yourself". But that is the same rhetoric we feed ourselves on a daily basis. I don't deny it's truth. It needs a makeover though. It needs to be edgier, so the cool kids can get it!
Frack it, I going to bed.
Allow me to rant about relpases. Those episodes that hit you when you just started or stopped doing something. Someone or something hits the rewind button and it's as if you haven't reached a fork in the friggin' road, sat down with yourself and decided that a certain lifestyle/habit/paradigm was not optimum for your desired quality of life. Certain measures needed to be taken.
And depending on your way of thinking and upbringing, you either went cold turkey/pull a 180 in the middle of the road style, or the gentle gradient/slope/curve that won't get on your nerves but will go on slowly and surely.
Things in your life start to adapt to your new lifestyle. You feel good, you feel you can do anything. If you kiss a girl you meet on the street she will fall in love with you and not batter you with nearest iron bar. You are in friggin' control. You da man.
And then one day, you snap. And not Hollywood-action-style snapping. There are no machine guns and helicopters. No huge explosions, no people dying. You just cease. Either some new stimulus is in your life or some certain stimulus isn't! Whatever it was that drove you to get serious with yourself and stop screwing around is not there to drive you anymore.
And before you know it. Back to friggin' square one. And you have to build again the momentum to re-live your steps before you took that life-changing decision.
Now, after that lengthy intro, what do I want to say? I don't know. I feel angry that I can not maintain a certain standard. It's like I am digging a hole and there is no end in sight. How am I supposed to go vertical? Build? If I even can not maintain a base line, am I expected to achieve any peaks in life? Because I know there will always be valleys.
I see myself as that guy in the movies that screams "Hold the line" to his fellows. I admire he who said "They're surrounding us from the north, south, west, and east. They can not escape this time". I know I am cocky, but I know my limits and pray to God to help me overcome my obstacles.
Is this it? Is this is what to be expected? A constant fight raging inside me? If I can not develop a simple habit of reading everything I hear in a lesson once I get back home, how the frack am I supposed to know complex surgical procedures that can save people's lifes?
What is the treatment? The ideal response would be "Get a grip and be strict with yourself". But that is the same rhetoric we feed ourselves on a daily basis. I don't deny it's truth. It needs a makeover though. It needs to be edgier, so the cool kids can get it!
Frack it, I going to bed.
